I grew up in a very strict Jamaican and Bahamian household so, I knew nothing of the dating game, but I look back on my childhood and the situations I have endured throughout my life, and I am so thankful for my strict parents. This is because most boys in high school were only out to play games with girls and to get over by any means necessary. The game fueled their flesh and satisfaction was their top priority, so hearts being broken and feelings being hurt meant absolutely nothing to them at that age. I remember boys writing on classroom blackboards, the names of girls (ranked) who got caught up in this game. In the military a few years later, I witnessed how women were passed around from man to man, looking for love in all the wrong places and how their reputations often preceded them. These men and boys with their heartless games, selfishness and immaturity left so many women feeling hopeless, heartbroken and defeated. Even-still, women end up stuck in this never-ending cycle making the same mistakes, but expecting different results. I didn’t know much about the rules or the game, but unfortunately I would have to learn through trial and error before I could grow.
Don’t Fall for the Game
Complaining about the rules and the game, changes nothing; Instead don’t fall for the game. As women, we so often complain about how men are four-legged animals, how they cheat and only think with one body part; But there are women that are willing to help them cheat and contribute to their nonsense. We get upset when men objectify us, viewing us as only objects of their desires and not as human beings with feelings and emotions; But there are women that objectify themselves feeding these men insatiable need to feed their flesh and their egos. We get frustrated because some men don’t display a moral compass, lack compassion or a conscious as they are willing to lie, deceive and mislead to get what they want, while contemplating their next conquest soon thereafter; But sadly we are willing participants giving our bodies, minds, trust and love away freely. We can’t complain if we continue to fall for the game.
Accepting Our Role
We rush into relationships head and heart first not thinking about the potential consequences of our choices in the long run. When we venture or stray far from where God originally intended us to go, we risk being hurt or heart-broken. When we decide to give husbandly benefits to a man that isn’t our husband or decide to play house, we put our hearts on the line needlessly and stress ourselves out when he begins to not live up to our expectations. We didn’t have to fall for the game if we had only waited and not rushed into the relationship in the first place. Ladies, we must take responsibility for our own actions and our decision to throw all caution to the wind. This means accepting our role and the part we played in our eventual heartache. Life isn’t fair and we have to stop believing that these men, who we barely know, will give us what we so freely and are so willing to give to them.
Love You More
We are not victims nor are we helpless because we have a lot more power and control than we give ourselves credit for. Men cannot and will not respect or value something that is just given away or can be found on the discount rack. So your heart, body and trust should be earned and as a result will be respected by the right man… your husband. Don’t settle for the illusion or counterfeit or put up with crappy treatment for you deserve better and better will find you if you are in a position to be found. Wait for God’s lead and His timing which is ultimately the most efficient use of your time so that you don’t end up wasting your love or your youth on a fantasy. Think about this, if all women were to set their standards, abide by those standards and wait for those standards to be realized, men would have no other choice but to fall in because there won’t be any women left for them to fall back on. Love you more, protect your heart and wait for God’s best.
“When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things” (1 Corinthians 13:11).
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